Gomez Gonzo's Grocery Guide - A Nobel Prize Winning Discussion of the Best Sugary Cereals of All Time

The Lucky Charms?
The Cocoa Puffs?
The Cookie Crisp?
The Trix?


The Apple Jacks?
The Alpha Bits?
I gotta get my fix.


There are so many tantalizing color shape taste medleys that it is hard to pick the best. What follows is our take on the best sugar cereals of all time, including a short discussion of why this is our opinion. As always we welcome your thoughts and suggestions for consideration on this esteemed list.


In our analysis we began by examining cereal structure. Are there multiple cereal components? What are the components made of, and how do they work together to bring you that intense sugar flavor? We discuss structure, design, and how long they hold their shape in 35 degree milk.


Second, we take a look at their mascot. What role do they plan in promoting the nutritionally deficient sugar bombs they represent? And more importantly, why do we love them?


Lastly, we examine the finish. How does the gourmet breakfast treat complete their break dance down your esophagus? What is the ending like on your palate?


Oh, and nutrition...yeah, this ain't about nutrition.


Our Top 3:

3.) Lucky Charms

How do you compete with a sugar buzzed leprechaun, and his big pot of multicolored marshmallows? Little bastard has kids and adults eating them out of his hand.


Lucky Charms has been around since 1963, and combines the puffed sugar marshmallow with frosted toasted oat cereal. It does not keep well in a bowl of milk, and leaves a pasty after taste. That said the sugar rush is bitchin (the crash is a little heavy).


The mascot, Lucky is a scary little critter. He's been serving up this nutritional nonsense for years. I'd love to be his agent, cause he's got General Mills by the balls. What, are they going to hire some donkey to represent the Lucky Charms? Hell no. Lucky isn't going anywhere, 'cause he does a good job of bringing in the buyers.

We love Lucky Charms because: half-cracked sugar-crazed mascot, multicolored cereal diversity for your mouth.

2.) Cap'n Crunch with the muthafuckin Crunch Berries...if you don't know you better aks somebody.

Cap'n Crunch in some way shape or form had to make the list. In all of its variations it is a classic. The original version was created in 1963 followed shortly thereafter by what cereal critics have called shear genius: the Crunch Berry. This bright reddish sphere brought a glimmer of berry to what was before merely a corn and oat centric cereal.

The tastes of the Crunch Berry and the Captain explode on your palate like a forbidden tango. Never meant to be, yet animalistically drawn together. The rush and the calm at the back of the throat provided by the Crunch Berry Cap'n blend, combined with deeply chilled milk make for quite a fine breakfast experience indeed.

Like the Lucky Charms these get a wee bit soggy after a short while of swimming in the white.

The Cap'n purists know the mascot is the Crunch Berry Beast, which I think is some pretty stupid shit. Keep the Cap'n on there, but give him a rockin multicolored suit to be wearin or something instead to show that the Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries is a fresh and funkified Cap'n. Because that is the kind of sugary breakfast cereal this is.

We love Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries because: berry/corn/oat taste harmony, the Cap'n is cool.

1.) Cocoa Puffs

This cereal has a mascot that openly admits to his foul addiction to this cocoa crusted breakfast delight. "I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs," Sonny the mascot says twitching quite visibly from withdrawal. I wonder what his friends and family think of all this. It might be time for an intervention folks.


Although I have to admit I know the depths of where Sonny is coming from. They get you on the simple things. Fun little spheres, all brown, all the same density and texture, and every last one is loaded with cocoa flavoring (both natural and artificial). Effective, consistent, sugar delivery. It is simple and it works.


The sugar rush is quick, and you have to watch your intake. You can go from flying with the condors to crashing like a lead balloon in the course of a half an hour. Keep this one out of the reach of the little one's. No parent deserves what happens when little Suzy has inhaled a bowl of these things.


What I like best is that there is no nutritional facade. They don't try to hide their sugary draw. Cocoa Puffs is exactly what it says it is, balls of puffed chocolate covered grain cereal. Their delivery is quick and simple, and their spokesman is clearly addicted to the product. I admire that in a sugary breakfast cereal. Why wouldn't I buy this for my kids, and eat it for a late night snack of my own?


And so there it is Gonzo Guide Green Bay, shining for you like a beacon in aisle 12, our take on the best sugary cereals ever. Disagree, agree, make a suggestion?


Hi my name is Gomez Gonzo...and I too am cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.



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Gomez Gonzo
Gonzo Editor -at-Large
Gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com

Gonzo Golf - Sir Shanksalot Plays Thornberry Creek

As far as golf days go, yesterday was as perfect as it could get: good crew, little wind, zero clouds, and copious amounts of Miller aiming juice.


Thornberry Creek is a decent local course. It is consistently overshadowed by the Privates (GBCC, Oneida G&R, etc...), Brown County, and by the business headlines of the failures of the previous owners. Hopefully the Tribe can make it work.


On a more pleasant note, Thornberry Creek plays tight, but if you can land your balls in the fine Fescues of the fairway, you always have good looks at the hole. How you fare from there all depends on how you play the fairway woods and long irons. Dog legs come into play on a few holes, as does a small lake. Not a whole lot by the way of elevation changes, save for maybe the first hole and last holes. The greens were slower, but for the most part seemed in pretty good shape.

The views are mostly pretty, but there were a few instances where it seemed like we were playing through some one's subdivision, which in fact we were. Sometimes it is nice to not have houses EVERYWHERE on a course.

The only slightly off key point in the day was getting hurried along by the Marshall. We weren't playing slow. The first nine took us 2 hrs and 10 minutes, but the course was crowded so it is somewhat understandable that they want to get people through. I am sure they can use the revenue.

For $56 you get to play a nice local course with some challenging holes, and good views of various fine residential architecture. On a difficulty scale to 10, this is probably a 5, using a 30 degree day with 30 mile an hour winds out at Whistling Straits as the basis for a 10.

Gonzo Guide Green Bay gives the overall Thornberry Creek experience 3.831 long balls out of 5. Chicks dig the long ball.

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Gomez Gonzo
Gonzo Editor-at-Large
gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com

Gonzo Guide Green Bay Goes to Chicago - For the Men's Health Urbanathalon...Not a Race For Sissies

The Bellin Run is a fantastically put together race. It holds a comfortable place on our calendar every second Saturday in June. And it still remains a challenge, every time the running shoes come on. Afterwards, we have a spot close to the race course where the cocktails flow like the water that we should be drinking. Awesome day.

But, for those of you looking for something different, maybe a road race offering more than just hoofing it with your iPod on...might we suggest you consider making the trip to Chicago on 10.17.09 to compete in the Men's Health Urbanathalon.

The 10.5 mile course starts in Grant Park, winds down the Chicago Lakefront, through Navy Pier, into Soldier Field and back to Grant Park for your finish. Ok wiseguy, here's the rub: deviously planted along the race route are random urban obstacles you have to conquer. In previous years there were the stairs inside of Soldier Field to climb, taxi's to jump over, an 8 ft wall to overcome, and marine hurdles to negotiate.

You can challenge the course solo, or you can tackle it in via a relay team of three. Our experience in years past has been as a part of the relay. And not to sell ourselves short, we were the top finishing team from Wisconsin. Either way, the course is absolutely beautiful, in the shadows of Chicago's towering architecture, and overall the race is well organized.

After the urban ass kicking you'll receive, you get to settle into the festival. Bands play, there is a climbing wall you can monkey on, and free beer to be had (for race participants). Normally a pretty solid crowd is mulling about deliberating which was more difficult, the marine barricades in the sand, or the stairs at Soldier Field.

This year, Gonzo Guide Green Bay will be sending a team down to represent. If you have the jewels, and want to step up to the plate and participate, let us know. You won't be disappointed in the challenge, the scenery, the city, or the event.

Running a 10k is cool. Running over taxi cabs, while running a 10k is cooler.

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Gomez Gonzo
Gonzo Editor-at-Large
gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com

Gonzo Guide Green Bay Casting Call - Gonzo Contributor at Large

Are you strikingly quick witted, and sharp with the pen?
Are you devilishly sarcastic more than now and again?
Do you revel in the good that our fair city brings?
Would like to be a part of telling people these things?

We're looking for writers to join our fine crew.
We enjoy being Gonzos and think you just might too.
So when you're out and about and want to share what you know.
About all of the cool local places you go.
Pull out the Toshiba, the Dell or the Mac.
And give Gonzo writing a good hearted crack.

Let us know if you're down to give this a try.
Send an email to Gomez, he's a level headed guy.
If your Green Bay ideas and articles make for good news.
That most of our readers would find fun to peruse.
We'll edit and post for all our faithful to see.
The by-line is yours, and a Gonzo you'll be.

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gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com

Gonzo Book Club - Out of Captivity: Surviving 1967 Days in the Colombian Jungle

Say what you want about Oprah. The woman is a media mogul and she has a book club. Why shouldn't Gonzo Guide Green Bay have a book club as well? We're a media force to be reckoned with, right?


Whatever. This may be our only discussion of a book, it might not. We aren't making any promises and we aren't taking any prisoners.


And speaking of prisoners, the book on the Gonzo literary hotplate this evening is, Out of Captivity: Surviving 1967 Days in the Colombian Jungle.

What a an experience to read about, people. In the book the authors/survivors recount their experiences as captives of a rogue Colombian para-military group called the FARC. Don't ask what FARC stands for. They are communists, and they take and kill hostages...that should tell you enough.

The survivors, Marc Gonsalves, Keith Stansell, and Tom Howes detail how they made it through a plane crash in the middle of the Columbia jungle, only to be quickly captured by members of the FARC. They recount their experiences marching through extremely rugged terrain on several occasions only to find themselves once again malnourished, living in deplorable conditions surrounded by guards and other hostages, none of whom they could trust. Certainly a focus of the book was on the physical toils, but the agony of their situation played out in their mental corridors.

The book provided a unique perspectives on relationships, values, hope, and what really remains when you boil a man down to his core. Reading this book gives you a glimpse of how these men suffered through finding that out for themselves. You can't help but wonder when you read about their experiences what would be left of you? Honestly, that is what makes this book so good. It makes you ask this question of yourself after every page.

Gonzo Guide Green Bay gives Out of Captivity: Surviving 1,967 Days in the Colombian Jungle 5 salutes out of 5.

Read, please. It is good for your cranium, and provides you with some interesting things to talk about at parties.

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Gomez Gonzo
Gonzo Editor-at-Large
gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com

The Gonzo Computer Dork - Rollyo.com...An Untainted Search Engine

Google.
Google, Google, Google.
Everyone and their mother, searches through Google.

Google is way cool, with Wave coming out, Google Squared, Google Analytics, AdWords, AdSense, Gmail, etc...

But, for those of you out there that are really down with the search, and want more accurate results without the Google ads plastered in your face, check out Rollyo.

When you search Google, it looks all over the web for pages and posts that contain the key words you searched for. The amount of times your search words appear on the website, the higher the website will appear in the Google search results.

Don't think for a second that companies don't know this. They do. They want to be at the top of the Google search results for given keywords. Needless to say an industry has blossomed out of making sure your company is at the top of the Google search results when someone searches for something relating to your company. This is called SEO, or Search Engine Optimization, and it has tainted our online searches.

Rollyo allows users to choose the sites that are searched, thus eliminating most of the garbage that appears in Google searches that you have to wade through. Give you an example: I want to search for mountain biking trails in Wisconsin. I know that the local mountain biking site for Wisconsin is WORBA, and I am also familiar with a site called MTBR.com. So, instead of Googling "Wisconsin mountain biking trails," and wading through all of the optimized B.S. Google puts out, I go to Rollyo.com and set up a search of WI mountain biking trails through the WORBA and MTBR sites exclusively. My results are far cleaner than what Google provides. I save this as a "Mountian Biking" search or Searchscroll as Rollyo calls it, and now anytime I have a search related specifically to mountain biking I go to Rollyo and use my pre-established Searchscroll to search for mountain biking related material.

Cleaner more efficient searches, given you already have some idea as to the sites where the info will be found.

It is easy-peasy, and we thought you might dig on this little digital tidbit.
Give Rollyo a shot for your next search.

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Gomez Gonzo
Gonzo Editor-at-Large
gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com

Editorial From the Editor - Conan O'Brien Thinks Green Bay is Fat, and Not In Tune With African Americans

Obama is coming to Green Bay to discuss major health care reform, and the only thing intelligent Conan has to say is...

“Earlier today, President Obama spoke at a town hall meeting in Green Bay...Half of the Wisconsin crowd had never seen an African-American and the other half had never seen a skinny person.”

Good one, Conan, good one...except you are a day early. In addition, allow me to add that:

• California has the second highest import and abuse rate of Heroin when compared to any other state in the Union.


• Your State economy is in an absolute shambles.


• You have one of the highest populations of illegal immigrants in the country.


• Don't even get me started on the Governator.

So using your logic, if Obama goes to speak in L.A., he must be speaking to a bunch of Smack toting, financially illiterate Illegals, no? Pretty funny shit.

What you say may not be entirely inaccurate, and I can understand how your writers might think this is hilarious. But it was a dig on our fine city, and as a result I find myself searching for a polite way to tell you and your Smack toting illegal alien friends to stick it.

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Gomez Gonzo

Gonzo Editor-at-Large

Gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com

Establishments - Jimmy Seas...For The Quasars and Mantra

Jimmy Seas was the place. The Quasars, and Mantra were the entertainment. Beer was the social lubricant. And the crowd was cool.

All around good times on Saturday night at Jimmy Seas. This fine establishment can be found spooning the Fox River down off of Monroe Street in Green Bay. They specialize in food, drink, and live music; not necessarily an original idea, but the way they lay it out, and the way their parties flow, they obviously know what they are doing.

We rolled up at a little before nine. The place was crowded, but not ridiculously so. Some people were conversing on the patio, some in the back bar, but most were out in the front bar area plugging in to the live music. No matter where your space is at Jimmy Seas, it remains a local place to be seen.

After we found our turf on the Jimmy Seas social playground and obtained our own pitcher of adult beverage, we were able to tune an ear in to The Quasars. Some young bucks, these guys looked like they were more likely to be celebrating their graduation from high school as opposed to funking up a classy joint on the river with their music. Whatever the case, they played hard and did a fantastic job of getting the crowd moving. Their take on funk/fusion/freestyle (to use their own description of what it is they play) is very fresh, and it wasn't long before the Crackberry was out, and we were looking for where they would be playing next. An absolutely talented bunch of guys, and truthfully, it was a bummer we came in half way through their set.

After a short gap and the action, and after a few "check1,2"s on the mic, Mantra started kicking up all sorts of southern funky business . Talented musicians in their own right, these guys focused on the blues-sy, southern bluegrass style of the rock spectrum. Mantra's take on Midnight Rider, by the Allman Brothers was a damn nice surprise, and fit well into the motorcycle-smooth approach they take with their music. Best of all, they really seemed to be having a blast, and the crowd seemed to be enjoying the effort they put forth. Good vibes guys.

The Gonzo Guide Green Bay crew had a swell time at Jimmy Seas Saturday night. And the best part is that it always seems to work out that way when we go there. They have a good roster of local music talent, a big enough bar where you aren't waiting forever for a refill, and a crowd that you can feel cool being a part of. A muy caliente scene all around.

Gonzo Guide Green Bay gives this experience at Jimmy Seas 4.382 frothy pitchers out of 5, with much respect to The Quasars and Mantra. We'll be sure to check them out again.

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Gomez Gonzo
Gonzo Editor-at-Large
gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com

Eateries - Instant Replay Sports Grille...A Solid Dining Establishment Disguised As A Sports Bar

For us, sports bars are a touchy subject. Most of our experiences in this genre of establishments have not been overly positive: mid-grade food, service and decor that is packaged, processed and spit-out, all in a poorly veiled attempt on our wallets.

Instant Replay Sports Grille may have the same focus on the games, and the beer that the other guys do, but that is where the similarities end. They actually have good food, and an expansive menu that goes beyond just wings, and wraps. No sh*t. And the service during our particular visit was well above the average for a sports bar.

Clearly the basics of the sports bar are evident here:
Big-ass TV - Check (along with many other slightly less gigantic TVs.)
Obscenely large beer mugs - Check
Appetizer menu - Check
Would we come here to watch a Brewers Game, or March Madness? Absolutely. But this time around our focus was on the menu. We'd heard that the food was pretty good from a few of the Gonzo faithful, so we decided it was high time to check it out.

All of the items on the menu have a sports-centric theme, and are cleverly laid out. On order today was the Brew Burger. What better to gnaw on after a workout than a bacon bleu cheeseburger and fries.

From the time we ordered to the time we got our grindage, it took about 7:18 seconds. Our calculator watch broke, so this is a best guess. Either way it was Michael Phelps fast, and unlike Michael Phelps we didn't have cotton mouth when we were done.

The meat was a good size with two bacon strips and hefty chunks of bleu cheese placed artfully on top. And the ciabatta roll added a nice, low-key touch. Add waffle fries, and you have yourself a good choice for lunch. All in, it was an excellent experience.

In our conversation with the barkeep who we kinda figured on for the owner, we discovered he had a lot in store for the menu. It sounded like he had some pretty cool entree ideas lined up, as well as some ideas for pushing the limits of the burger. Certainly we are interested in what the outcome is, and we will be right there to try what they roll out.

Bottom line is this: Instant Replay is a sports bar that does great food. If you are going to check out the game on a big-ass TV where the beer flows like water, why not do it in a place that has great food and a huge menu?

Gonzo Guide Green Bay gives Instant Replay Sports Grille 4.461 Immaculate Receptions out of 5.

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Gomez Gonzo
Gonzo Editor-at-Large
Gomez@gonzoguidegreenbay.com